Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Still Mad at My Dad

I am very perturbed at a comment my father made to me last week. A comment that makes me just as angry every time I think about it as the first time he told me. A comment that I thought I would be over by now.

My father non-jokingly, asked me when my fiance was going to ask his (my father's) permission to marry me.

Now, aside from the fact that this makes no logical sense, as I asked my beloved to marry me, and not the other way around, I am SO mad at all the underpinnings in this question.

First and foremost, I object to the sexist presumption of this question. Why, on earth, would my fiance need to ask my father's permission to marry me? I am not property, I am not a minor, and this isn't the dark ages, for chrissake.

Secondly, I don't need his permission for marriage: I am more than capable of deciding for myself whether or not I want to spend the rest of my life with someone. If I wanted his opinion on this union, I would have asked for it myself, but I didn't. Also, I am the one getting married: this has nothing to do with him.

Finally, I think this is so rude. He has no right to butt into business that is not his own. Especially when he asks stupid questions based on faulty assumptions (IE, the male asks the female to marry him, not vice versa).

I love my father, but man, do I hate the things he does sometimes.


At 9:06 PM, Blogger Rob said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 8:06 AM, Blogger Goddess Cassandra said...

Personal attacks will be deleted.

At 11:36 AM, Anonymous Mermade said...

Hey Cassandra - I wrote about this very subject on my blog as well. My boyfriend wants to ask my father's permission, but I really don't want him to because I want my decision to marry him to be exclusively mine. Check out my post if you'd like. I'd love to hear your insight. Anyway, just wanted you to know that I understand what you're going through. If you read my blog, you'll find that you and I have similar problems with our fathers. (As in, my dad literally kicked my door when I was reading a "Marxist" book because it's "evil" and against Christianity.) Insane!


At 2:54 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Don't feel like the only one that gets angry with your father! You are not alone.


At 8:43 AM, Blogger APK said...

What about impersonal attacks?



At 3:48 PM, Blogger Intergalactic Hussy said...

I am so happy I found someone who goes through some of the same shit I do with my back-ass-ward parents!!! I told my dad sometime when I was in early high school that he WILL NOT walk me down the aisle (if I choose to get married), so get used to it. I am not property and that's where all that horrible traditions stem from. Also, I won't wear white. Being virginal is not a virtue, it's experience that is (not saying to slut it up). But I'll also refuse to wear an engagement ring for the same reasons... However, I feel that wedding bands are about the equal love that you share.

In any case.


At 5:49 PM, Anonymous Froth said...

Wow! I'm a father. I feel bad now.

When I married I didn't even consider asking either of my parents for approval.

My parents raised me to choose for myself, perhaps because they felt it was the best way to raise a person; not so surprisingly I agree with this philosophy.

I am sad and sorry that your relationship with your Dad is difficult in this regard. So much of this stuff stems from a beginning.

I think men often think that their girls (daughters) should step up to the plate sooner then their ready, Which often leads to resentment and frustration for both Father and daugter.

I noticed this with my first daughter.

I have tried to make ammends with this with my second daughter, who adores and loves me, as do I; in a way I never experienced, nor was open to, with my first daughter. One thing I can tell you about your Dad, and mine really, is he was scared shitless.

I was, with my first daughter, and I still am.

I don't know if cutting him off, or saying my way or the highway, is necessarily the best answer when dealing with the father and the bride question. Although I sure do understand why it tends to happen.

I don't hear anyone here say why the father is so adament about this tradition, or why he thinks its important.

Remember he's just as human as you and just as uncertain. Listen to what he says and you might be surprised. Living with family. particularly of the opposite gender, involves compromise.

Compromise so often works, perhaps because it has to.

At 8:49 PM, Blogger openmind said...

you hate that you're man may hate asking your dad for your hand in marriage?... some girls would dream of it. what has your dad done to offend you ??... I think it's hard because he may feel as offended by you as you may feel toward you feminist commments. s Remember that you will never have another chance with your daddy if you disregard him now... AS a dad. it hurts my feelings... Bronx is precious to me as any fine stone or expensive gift... you will understand one day... i Promise... give him a chance at you being his dad.... which you are. You know there is nothing more important in your life than making him happy... if you have a hard time email me... I'm sure you will. at rachel.colby @sbcglobal.net. I'll hit you all back... give yoself a chance and yo babies too!!!... they's a blessing to the worlds

At 8:56 PM, Blogger openmind said...

I know what these websites are trying to selll and it isn't happiness.. just believe this
you do what's right for you (abortion, adoption,or bringing them up on yo own...}
next year opinions will change and I will still support your right to do what is right for you a choice in what you prefer. If conflicted about abortion write me back at rachel.colby@sbcglobal.net and I will be honest about what you're options are. never had an abortion/ have a one year old son. I'll tell you what I think and I guarantee it won't be what you are used to see in the conservative media. I respect a woman who discontinues a pregnancy. I can tell you where and how if you are ready... I love babies as much as you... I have a 14 month old son who is the light of my life. I know things are different for different people. speak your peace and I will try to give you an unbiased opinion.


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