I May Be In Over my head
As my recent post had indicated, I am engaged. I am very happy about this arrangement, except for the random moments of hyperventaliting "Dear goddess, what the hell am I doing?".
I had another hiccup in this whole thing too, though: the wedding. I have never been the type to imagine my perfect wedding: in fact, when I had those conversations in my youth I would normally reply that I wanted to elope in Vegas. But, in this case, I cannot do that: both of our parents would kill us (or rather, be "very disappointed" in us, which for some reason still bothers the both of us, although we are adults). I joked to my fiance, Brandon, that we should just tell our parents that we're eloping, and if they want to have a ceremony, they could pay for it, but somehow we both know that that would go over like a lead balloon.
So, odds are, we're going to have a wedding. Now, this is a still a few years off, so I don't have to care too much about it right now, but I have recently discovered that I know nothing about weddings. I was reading Pandagon and how Amanda was amazed that her sister had put together a wedding in a month. I mentioned to Brandon that a month seemed like a long time, and he looked at me as if he was getting a child for a bride. Apparently, there is more to a wedding than mailing out a couple of invitations, renting a building and a few suits, getting a dress, and reserving a hall. Huh, who knew? Obviously, I am worse than the most priveleged guy when it comes to knowing how to make a wedding.
Since I apparently have no idea how to throw a wedding, could some of you in the blogsphere be kind enough to send me a list of all the things that need to be organized for a weddding? Or, if you are married, what did you have to do for your wedding?
posted by Goddess Cassandra @ 9:50 AM
15 comments
15 Comments:
You said, "I cannot do that: both of our parents would kill us (or rather, be "very disappointed" in us, which for some reason still bothers the both of us, although we are adults)."
Yeah those power tripping parents want to share in a life milestone of their children, perhaps because they know that marriage is important. How could they be putting you in such an imposition? Jeez the nerve!
C.
I've found IndieBride pretty helpful in many ways. And if you want to see evidence of the step-by-step process of someone else's wedding, you might like to check out an LJ Community I've been posting about my own experience in.
Chris, that really doesn't have anything to do with the questions I posed.
The marriage is what's important, not the wedding. I don't intend in "sharing with them" all of the problems of my marriage: I'm not going to solicit their advice about money, or where to live, or relatinoship problems, why on earth would I want to?
And quite frankly, if it's my milestone, why should I have to share it with them? Why should I have to blow a huge chunk of money on something that I see as an essentially valueless party? I am still very tempted to say if they want a wedding, they can pay for it and I'll be sure to show up.
You said "if it's my milestone, why should I have to share it with them?... I am still very tempted to say if they want a wedding, they can pay for it and I'll be sure to show up."
This may come as a shock, but people close to you, like your parents, will want to share this occasion with you. I feel badly for your parents and friends who might like to share this occasion with you, in the form of a wedding. You seem to relish in looking down your nose at ceremony considered so pedestrian and utterly beneath you.
In the mean time I enjoy reading your cynical, contemptuous and glib missives regarding how you are being put upon by society and family.
C.
Thank you Revena, I'll check it out.
Chris, do you even know what a productive response is? It's normally considered to be something OTHER than insults.
Your post was cynical, in that you act as though a wedding attended by friends and family is beneath you, you clearly hold your parents reasonable expectation in contempt with comments like "let them pay for it, if they want it so badly", and overall it certainly is glib.
So how exactly is what I said insulting or mean spirited, or for that matter unproductive? Or is what you said an attempt to change the subject? One would have to wonder.
C.
Chris, get it right: I am glib towards WEDDINGS. That does not make me cynical, nor does it make me contemptous towards my parents. There is a distinction.
But at the topic at hand, I was inviting suggestions about what I need to get accomplished, not an invitiation to question my motives.
GoddessCassandra
Plenty of wedding and marriage resources here;
http://www.bismarcklibrary.org/bpl.html
The best part is they are free!
C.
Uh, thank you Chris, but I live in Grand Forks, not Bismarck.
GoddessCassandra
I suspect chris is a guy who never lifted a finger to do wedding planning.
If I may, having been through two weddings, my advice is this:
1) If your fiance doesn't care enough to participate in making decisions or doing some of the planning work, you shouldn't either. Don't fall into the "you're the bride so you do all the shitwork" trap.
2) The important part of the wedding is having your guests show up to wish you well. As Miss Manners says, it's better to invite everyone you love and serve cake and punch than to only invite ten people because you can't afford to fly more of them to Hawaii.
3) There is no real rule about what you "should" or "must" do in planning a wedding. There is a huge industry out there geared up to tell you that if you don't have matching place cards (or whatever), you suck and people will laugh at you.
4) Anybody who whines that you didn't throw an expensive enough party for them should STFU and stay home. This includes parents.
Mythago, you are of course mistaken as I helped plan my wedding with my wife and her family. My family was not so interested, but so it goes.
Sorry I forgot you live in Grand Forks, Cassandra, my apologies.
As for any further advice, well, just do what you will enjoy. If you have a special place at a park or a lake or along the river, then maybe you could work that in to a wedding. Have a bar-b-que or sushi, what ever makes you happy and you will remember. Something you will enjoy with your friends and family is all you need to make some good memories.
C.
Thanks, everyone, for all of your advice.
Trust me, Mythago, my fiance is going to be equally (if not more so) involved in the wedding planning. If he's going to marry me, he's going to be very aware that I am not going to be the typical housewife.
GoddessCassandra
I can assure you both that if a parent INTENTIONALLY inflicted or allowed a child to suffer from pain it is a reportable offense in the state of North Dakota. It would be investigated--rest assured. However, what type of action would result would depend on the individual situation. It would NOT be ignored.
sorry--my comment ended up with the wrong post. Sigh.
I have a book for you to read Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel. You can either get the book or here is a clip from the DVD. I am here to help with the truth. The evidence is compelling if you have an open mind and are truly searching for truth.
Just a concerned family man,
Dan
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