Monday, December 03, 2007

My brain, for 10 minutes.

My body my body what it’s a compliment don’t be so emotional too hysterical Jesus what’s the problems freaking ponies really ied ginmar and her cats ginmar and her trolls safe space on the internet, only on the internet why do they look at me like I’m crazy because I’m weird weird odd duck what are you doing what should I do I don’t know does that mean pointing it out is irrelevant women’s work women’s work not important labor is for the peasants not as important as the rich don’t deserve don’t deserve get ahead with sex bargaining power everyone needs to know how money works because money is the only thing that matters hate money hate it hate it hate it don’t care have to care have to care because money is just a thing a thing that means I deserve or don’t deserve work hard what does that have to do with the price of tea in china eric was in china sometimes he gets it but mostly he don’t bad grammar he gets grammar but can’t get over the idea that even though I can recognize a problem doesn’t mean I can fix it I try and fix it by pointing it out and being aware of it but jeeze why do you have to be so annoying everyone’s eyeballs rolled at the same time being someone’s wife is not the most important thing in the world Spanish teacher’s done it twice now why do you care about the mouthbreathers because because because the mouthbreathers are people, people who think I’m not as important because I’m not hot because I’m female because I’m liberal because I’m atheist because I’m annoying not a closet feminist well it’s okay to be feminist just don’t act on it don’t act on communism un-American of course capitalism is the only way to run a country of course we need federalism no questions no questions I like guns I like guns I don’t like justice system I don’t like cops I don’t like military death destruction death I own my body my body my body damned religion damned religion says I don’t own my own body it’s mine why do you talk about this like you care about babies when was the last time you elected higher taxes why is everyone so cynical why aren’t I I hate makeup I don’t like to wear it I don’t like my hair long Brandon likes my hair long I like to look pretty what the hell is pretty why do I care if someone finds me pretty my friends like me even if they don’t think I’m pretty why can’t I accept that why do I care if I’m pretty pretty is the patriarchy I still like to be pretty I can’t think of what I think pretty would be if I wasn’t sexist would pretty be me I like my breasts I would never get surgery I hate the thought of a diet you can pry my chocolate out of my cold dead hands fat means your lazy and a glutton and don’t work out and therefore are worthless worthless ugly lazy stupid glutton poor dumb bitch cunt whore pussy weak stupid you think your smart but your just lying liar you just want all of your characters to be female why the fuck can they say that when they have dozens and hundreds and millions of white guy characters to choose from self-righteous stupid bastards wouldn’t know how to write a female character you live around females why don’t you know them why do people interrupt me ignore me when I talk assholes say the same thing I just said five seconds ago why does he get the praise I am important I AM IMPORTANT I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY GODDAMNED IT AND IT”S IMPORTANT AND IT’S ABOUT WOMEN AND THINGS ABOUT WOMEN ARE IMPORTANT choices don’t exist in a fucking vacuum and no it’s not that much different to say “modesty” instead of “licentiousness” and even if I’m not beautiful I’m not there for you and stupid cultural script and miniskirts do not make me less valuable and if I want to go around naked that does not say anything whatsoever about what kind of person I am and why can’t you get over yourself and no Christianity Judaism and Muslim are not that damned different and no I will not join your racist talk because yes they treat their women horribly but guess what asshole so do you and you don’t have to leer you enjoy it and not because it’s natural or some bullshit like that but because you like to have power over someone particularly women and you have a nice little justification even though sex is bad bad bad and you can’t admit that you want it must not want it so I’m bad because I’m making you think of sex sex you can’t have sex that you shouldn’t don’t want and so I’m bad must cover up my body of for the love of Christ get over it not that important really sex is sex and I don’t seem to have a problem with thinking you’re attractive without jumping you or overpowering you but what if I do and you’re bigger than me bigger than me stronger than me pain pain pain because you can beat me like my dad beat my mom and tear me down and no one cares because I’m overreacting but goddammit no I’m not and just because I like to snuggle doesn’t mean that you just can do it with me at any time and I’m not a bitch and I hate to be disliked and why is it okay for you but not for me and why does the world ting that my concerns for frivolous or why does the world think that the frivolous concerns are female money money money and I like people I really do and I want people to like me but I want to like me why can’t I like me and I’m angry all the time and worried all the time and I don’t understand why you don’t understand and I have to be patient because THIS one might be sincere and not have an interest in the status quo and that’s bullshit lip service.

Oh, and I have class work coming due.