Sunday, July 30, 2006

Divorce is Wonderful... least compared to bad marriages.

I don't understand people sometimes. I really don't understand what good is done if people who make each miserable are forced to stay together. How is this helping children, how is this helping spouses, how is this helping society?

Strip aside all of the religious mumbo-jumbo, and social expectations, and all marriage is in the US is an elaborate contract designating a strong interpersonal relationship. That's it. And "traditional" marriage wasn't even a contract designating a relationship: it was a property exchange between a father and husband.

So I don't understand this "stay-in-marriage-at-all-cost" mentality. Why? What's so great about marriage?

I would like to see the divorce rate lowered, BUT I would prefer to see the divorce rate lowered by less people getting married. I think it should be much, much harder for a person to get married: for instance I think parents should not be able to give consent for minor children to get married. I think that engagement periods should be longer, and "quickie" marriages in Las Vegas should not be allowed, at all. I think that people should have a real idea of what they are getting into when they get married, and "shotgun" weddings should be illegal.

Marriage does not make you more mature, it does not make your relationships stronger, it does not make you a better, more understanding person, and it does not teach you to be a good parent. Marriage is a tool, that is merely as good as the people using it.


At 3:06 AM, Blogger bryan said...

Wow! That was an awesome post! I totally agree with your view. I have been in a bad marriage for 22 years. Staying together for the kids was not a good idea. They had to see the lovelessnees of their parents staying together for them. We never told them that, but they had to sense it, why else were we staying together?
We have also stayed together for religeous reasons. But have known plenty of religeos people who have divorced.
Then i think so much time has gone by, and I am not a rich man that can just go out and get a 2nd place to live just like that. I have been tempted to wait till November and live in my car (here in Florida)for a few months and really save some money.
In a nutshell, I have cheated countless times on my wife because I wanted out but many reasons made me think maybe I shouldnt end it.
It's insanity! I've got to get on with my life!
So my wife might cry at first. But then the pain of our marrige will be behind her and me. I cant let the coming pain stop me! AAAAARRRRGGG!!
Marriage----You have made some good points..

At 7:28 AM, Anonymous Rob said...

Personally, I could give a rip about "traditional marriage." Being an atheist, the term holds no religious or social connotations for me.

That being said, the best thing for kids is to have both parents involved in their lives. Both in the same home is best, but in a divorced home giving each parent full custody (unless one parent of the other is decalred unfit) is the optimum.

At 8:00 AM, Blogger Goddess Cassandra said...


It's not cool to cheat on your spouse. When you enter in on a marriage, you make a promise: and promises should not be broken.

But, I do think that you should talk to your wife. If you are having problems in your marriage, and you don't feel love any more, then divorce really is the best thing.

As a child of parents in a horrible marriage I wish they would have gotten divorced. They showed me the world's worst example of what a marriage should be.


This wasn't really about custody.

At 12:36 PM, Anonymous Rob said...

No, but it was about divorce. Related matter, obviously.

You gave your view on divorce, I gave mine.

At 8:28 PM, Blogger Good Ol' Boy said...

I guess I could go on at length about how MY marriage has been good, and depress the shit out of you all.... or you could read about it at my blog.

But I gotta say, bryan, you are one spineless P.O.S.

At 8:34 PM, Blogger Goddess Cassandra said...

Why do you think that a good marriage would depress me?

And please avoid the personal attacks, GOB. I don't agree with bryan's assesment of cheating, but I don't think that's enough to insult him based on three little paragraphs.

At 1:19 AM, Blogger bryan said...

You are so right that it is not cool to cheat on your spouse. If there was any hope for my marriage, the guilt of cheating does not help.
Spineless POS? I know I am for how hard a time I have talking to my wife about this. But, is that what you mean when you say that about me?

At 5:42 PM, Blogger Good Ol' Boy said...

Sorry if I offended. I was stating my opinion of Bryan's actions, perhaps too passionately.
Bryan, why not face up to the situation you are in? Either attend some kind of counseling along with your wife, in hopes of saving a marriage, or face up to the mess you have had a part in making, and get divorced.
No one here has any way of knowing the circumstances you find yourself in, this is true. But from what information you yourself have chosen to reveal, it sounds to me like you have failed to take action when action was called for. Instead you have chosen a cowardly, self-gratifying course of action that has brought you to where you are today- a conflicted mess. I can only imagine what you have put your poor wife through.
Real respect for another human begins with being truthful to them, and here is where you have let her and yourself down.
Right Cassandra?

At 11:23 AM, Blogger Goddess Cassandra said...

I would agree that real respect begins with truth. If you promise someone fidelity, you own up to it if you fail (and you shouldn't fail).

At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Viagra Online said...

Before converting life in a miserable nightmare divorce comes as salvation for many couples that want to start over their lives.

At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am about to divorce and can't wait for the freedom from my lying cheating husband! I gave it the 2 year trial period to see if it could work but the trust and love are gone. I want to be happy again and the only way I see it happening is being by myself.

At 1:17 AM, Blogger Ladybug Royale said...

I couldn't agree more.... divorce IS wonderful. It's the freedom to be You again.... your original state of being. Children, when they are well taken care of, will eventually see that and hopefully, as adults, create more honest, loving worlds for themselves that are driven by love and not dictated by a piece of paper.


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